The Struggle Is Real

Today, Dear Readers, I’m going to get very real with you. VERY real.

So all of you can tell that my posting schedule has been more than erratic.

The truth is that I’ve been struggling something fierce. With what? My depression. I’ve been struggling being very motivated to do much more than getting out of bed in the morning.

You see, I’m a combat veteran with MS. No this isn’t going to go into everything about it, and I’ve already gone over my struggles with MS, so I won’t go further into that, but I do want to go into the struggle of depression, especially from the perspective of a gamer.

Many of you may or may not be experiencing the same thing, especially with the current pandemic hitting across the globe, and particularly the United States. The isolation of quarantine can make things amplified exponentially.

For me, my ability to play with my in-person players twice a week (plus my monthly game) was a lifeline. You may or may not be able to imagine the anguish it caused to have to stop that interaction. When I had to go virtual, only one of my groups were willing to move to that medium, and the other had to be reformed entirely, as only three of my players were willing to go virtual, out of 7 (not including me). That group now exists as a group of 7 with a player from Canada, two players from Nebraska, and four from here where I live. We’re having a good time, and Roll20/dndbeyond.com have been a blessing. The only problem?

It’s just not the same.

I’m even having problems with campaign planning or prep.

I find myself struggling to even remember that I have to prep for Sundays leaving my Sunday game lacking compared to my normal level of game. Thankfully, due to the episodic nature of my Tuesday game, there is little prep that needs to happen.

Video games have provided moments of entertainment, but ultimately I’ve gotten uninterested and drop that too. Like…so many video games: Diablo (the original), XCOM 2, Mechwarrior 5: Mercenaries, Mechcommander 1 and 2, Fallout New Vegas, and the list goes on and on. Nothing.

My motivation is lacking to where I haven’t touched a paintbrush in what feels like ages. I keep buying minis (yeah, I know…) and now base decorations (grass, gravel, and the like), but I haven’t painted a miniature in a long while. Sure, there are some paints I’m waiting on, but if I am honest with myself, I just haven’t been motivated.

Granted, this Wednesday I have a “play date” with a buddy of mine who is WAY better at painting miniatures than I am. Like…way better. He is going to teach me his ways, particularly shading. I recently got a nice type of wet palette, so I am excited for Wednesday evening at least.

Now, let me be real about something else: I haven’t engaged in any real self-care either. It’s hard to do when your motivation is down the drain. This lead me to do some searches for self-care for gamers.

I found a good blog post about this subject and am going to try some of the techniques out.

So, that’s what’s been going on lately, Dear Readers. That’s why things have been slacking. I’m sorry that I haven’t been giving you everything I’ve promised, but I am doing my very best. Frankly, even writing this post has been a little cathartic.

So, what do you all do for self-care, Dear Readers? Let me know in the comment section below!

Also, don’t forget to subscribe! We just gave away a painted miniature (I’m going to start working on it this week to be mailed out by this time next week), and the next giveaway will be even better!

Also, consider supporting The Blog under “Support Us” above. Every bit helps.

As an aside, yourdorkmaterials and I begin filming our videos “How-To: DnD Beyond” next week, to be followed by our “How-To: Paint Miniatures” videos.

Until next time, Dear Readers…